Never thought I would have to seek refuge here once more..

for the past 2 weeks. things has not been really smooth.thoughts have not been going straight. actions are not normal. kept verbalizing what has been troubling me thinking that it will make myself seem stupid to be brought down by such things but it's not working. i seem to be spiraling down even deeper.

maybe i was too comfortable with things that has been going on for the pass 3 years. maybe it was the people around which i know would carry me when i fall and this new posting made me realised that i am on my own now. i thought i could embrace this madness or ride on it but only to be swallowed by it. things are different now with more things at stake. giving up now is so different from giving up 5yrs ago. damn. there's no such thing as giving up it was the 5yrs ago me.

bad things does not come alone but in multiples. thought it was the stress but reflecting the stuff i do. what stress? everything seem manageable. maybe it is just me. fooling myself that i can keep up with the expectations or maybe i was disillusioned thinking that i can do it. all the deadlines are just so daunting. or maybe.. my mojo's not working anymore