I opened this page.. yet contemplating what to write..

Life's quite a mess for me now; transiting from a soldier back to a student. To be frank, I've missed quite several deadlines without knowing. Like how I didn't know about the requesting to stay in a hall, the SOW briefing. It feels like I'm just so screwed. Was actually in school today for some welcome thing. well. that's cause the organizer was kind enough to send a mail out to everyone informing of it. I guess I'll even miss it without knowing if it wasn't for the mail. So during the talk, they spoke about module bidding. it just made me look like an idiot. suddenly it just seem how ignorant i am. so many things happening yet without me realizing it.

was it the 2 years that changed me? i guess so. usually listening to orders from the superiors is the safest as when anything bad happens, your superior's liable for it as you're just carrying out instructions. it's just how this society work. every moment, there's someone telling you not to be complacent but without knowing, everyone's complacent. notice how people do things because that's how things were done from the past till now and yet nothing happens? people would just take it for granted and believed it as the 'correct' way, until some flaws were noticed. we are all just waiting for things to happen without trying to preempt them.

there are also times when you just know how stupid that person is, or maybe it's due to his/her beliefs. just like how someone told me 'how much is much', 'how far is far'? how can one define them? it's all base on one's level of comfort. i'm not saying that the person who told me is stupid, but on the contrary, it's those people who tried to push their beliefs into other people.

it sometimes makes me wonder how the heck did it take me 3 years to understand myself. it was until only recently while referring to past momentoes that i realize i've never really enjoyed running. its true that i enjoy the company, but i've never liked that sport. it was only used as a stepping stone. 2010's ahm will be the final run i am going to do. i'll just go back to what i like.

time to pack up my emotional baggage and move on. no point staying in the past.