Tonsils are swollen...

hope that's the worst it'll get...

was pondering why i played the way i do during Go yesterday

really defensive

maybe that's the way i'm dealing with things right now

just letting people 'whack'

while i just remain silent

and made no effort to attack back...

but..

maybe.....

maybe.......

I've grown up too?

from all the thing's I've experienced

being more "calm"..

looking at the situation

before making any decisions..

however

doesn't that make me a passive player?

doesn't it gives the opponent the upper hand?

doesn't it represents that the probability I'll lose is even greater?

once again,

I'm lost..