juz back from track training. went
mon.. dunno wad exactly happen... i'm becoming more of a robot? go sch, solve problem, sch end, go home.. hahah... only noe having anatomy and physiology.. did some bones thingy... -.-.. after tt.. i've completely no idea wad i did...
-wait-
oh ya... remembered.. help to decorate the intellectual game booth and went home after tt
tues... beginning of sla... CCA fair for layman term... stupid.. helped out at the track booth.. training started late, with coach having a bad day.. so tio gan... finished everything and went cwp for dinner..
wed.. went out with someone again to cwp for dinner... nothing much to say
thur... went to play bball after sch with perv and people from my class... utterly boring.. but did something tt i would prefer to be done more severly... fouled one of my classmate by accident.. how i wish it was on purpose.. haha
so today.. went for training.. before going cafe cartel @ J8 branch for lunch.. then midway.. went to ntuc to help someone get the ingredients for cheese cake...
nothing much going on in class.. xcept that i'm gonna be amid a class politic.. yeah.. coz of tt farking hungry for grade guy.. the one i fouled on the court... farking ass... lay low..
things not going right... one of my bro... really went too far.. was cracking a joke from my tt skull bag.. guess wad... he uploaded the pic of my bag on hwz forum with a damn heading.. but was kinda surprise at the comments la.. some say it's ok.. but others.. crude remarks.. tt's how single track minded singaporeans can be.. gonna change my nationality.. hahaha... disgrace to be singaporeans.. darn immature.. may what i saw is juz a minority bahx.. but after tt.. he apologized... dun tink i gonna forgive bah... maybe forgive him... but nv to give my trust to him again... haha... totally overboard..
then tt grade hungry farker.... keep ks-ing us.. grrr.... basket.. buay tahan...
got a very weird reflection journal yesterday... totally stumped me... its something like can the lock and key model be used in relationships? would you mind changing your conformation (appearance, personality etc) to suit someone? no idea la.. asking a noob like me this kind of question... so my ans was kinda emo la..
i smell trouble coming my way again? lolx.. first is my hp bill... i sms-ed bout 200++ within a week? lol... maybe i'm sending the wrong signal again.. ZzZ... i wanna enjoy life la... work 1 day a week then learn to relax... maybe i'll juz accept her? argh... choices to make again... why i can't i juz make choices on wad choc to eat? tt'll be much simple since i'm gonna eat all of them...
but meanwhile, i'm supposed to wait for another person's reply... 3 weeks... it seems that she didn't even consider la... kinda regret asking her... it seems that she don't even think... -.-.. thought it is time for me to take a break... but who the hell know this things is like a cycle... it repeats itself over and over again
been listening to emo song recently? no idea why.. but it seems like depression have hit several of us.. including perv... thinking too much? having sissy emotions? bahx.. wad is happening to me...
suddenly found out i like listening to loud music? i know that's a long time ago... but didn't know when it started.. or how it started... maybe it's to cover up the empty hole in my heart?
saw gatherings of my friends... sadness overwhelm me? questions popping in my head... why didn't they invite me? how did the thing go etc.. but i already know the answers myself...
i guess i like to be lonely.. maybe like people to know that i'm alone? or i guess i'm juz anti social...
she told me i like to say this half way... and keep the other half inside myself... maybe tt's protecting myself? i noe i may have post tis thing b4.. but wad she says keep popping in my mind.. why don't i like people to know more about me? haha... weird... wad can ppl do when they know your address or where you're going? maybe it's juz tt i like to be secretive.
i like to blabber alot.. but craps... with meanings lying underneath the surface.. sadded thing is that no one noes... they take it for gibbers... maybe tt's how i wan it to be bah..
last sun.. while going home.. someone shouted at me... asked me to be serious... but i can't seem to do it... no idea why... it feels like when i'm serious, i'll get emo like i am when typing this post now?
i do smile and laugh.. it may seem real to others... but it seems fake to me... a laugh for the sake of laughing.. not coz of happiness
-the following may sound gay-
but i wanna have a shoulder to cry on.. i wanna fully express myself.. but i'm still finding the person i can fully give my trust to.. it's not like i don't trust perv.. but maybe it's the 6 years of brothership that i didn't wan him to noe that i've become so weak?