Damnit!!!!!!

my Go is deproving... fuck.. lost to a 21 kyu!!! the appraisal is juz 4 weeks away... what can i do??

cb... totally pissed off.. it's like a mental barrier. a limit

i just don't wanna accept... i've learnt for a year and juz a grade lower then 21kyu? wtf.... and i keep hanging the lvl 'dan' around my mouth.. i wanna be on par with YLS... I wan YLS to recognise my strength... but yet... i lost to a 21 kyu!?

30mins more b4 i leave for work.. think i'm gonna blow it again... suppose to tell someone something.. but i guess... i back out again.. the word is around in my mouth, yet i can't spit it out..

i guess i juz used her as an excuse of not going into relationships... like i kept saying... i have too many things to do... if i get myself a girl, where do i find time to train my already at noob level go? to play bball? 25hrs a day would not even be enuff...

fuck... feeling like a complete loser now..

i need a gateway from this urban life!